I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
