Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
