so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A bitchslap is in order.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
