Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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