Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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