Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
