ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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