She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
