I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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