Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
