I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
