If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
