This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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