Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
