The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
