True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
