I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
