...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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