OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
