You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
