I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
