If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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