EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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