I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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