shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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