Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
