What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
