from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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