he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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