You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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