As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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