Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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