You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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