Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
