WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
