why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
