She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
