wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What drink are we having for lunch?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
