i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
