Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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