i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
