she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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