just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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