Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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