I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
