my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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