My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
