so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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