I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
