Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
