sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
