i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
