Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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