epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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