Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
