Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
