Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
