Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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