Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
