next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
