I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
