Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
