y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
