I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
