omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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