i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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