Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
