hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
