You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
