Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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