so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
