Can i not drive my cunt home
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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