i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
