Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
two words...techno handjob
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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