i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
