I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
