At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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