oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
