I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
