At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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