Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can I color on your dick again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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