Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
